anne's chit chat

Of course I forgot.
It’s been three years.
But for me, to remember, is important.

Here are a few reminders and a fun re-post of one of my most favorites, the box.

**Originally posted the morning of September 4, 2008, on my last day at St. Kate’s. Hell, I might even have posted it at my office computer! Soooo scandalis!**

I walk by the box everyday, sometimes even a half a dozen times, and every time I walk by the box I think the same thing — Damn, that box is still there!

Damn straight it is!

The box. Out in the open for all to see. And there it remains. Everyday. Sometimes even half a dozen times. The box doesn’t move. It really doesn’t. The box is in its place. Why would it need to be anywhere else? It is there to remind us. Of something so important. So important that I don’t know if you will get it. Do you get it?

The box isn’t moving.
Because it has nowhere to go.

I choose to go somewhere.
I choose to move forward.
I choose my choice!

Oh yeah and ALSO.

I have a blog.

And it is NOT password protected.

Because that is not the point.

Well, I sorta did!

BUT today I remembered!

Remembering the past, choices, decisions, actions, mistakes — and the people who hurt and the person I used to be and the person I wanted to become…it still brings a smile to my face and I get a good “aha” moment each and every time I remember.

It feels sooooo good to be ME again!!!!

Two years ago, September 4th, I walked away and haven’t looked back.

I continue to choose my choice!

And I still have a blog.

And it is NOT password protected.

Because that is not the point.

Friday, September 4th is my one year anniversary of leaving The College of St. Catherine a.k.a. St. Catherine University.

I didn’t have a new job lined up when I quit. I just had had enough. I was so tired of hating (almost) every second of the day.

People would ask me, bright eyed and bushy tailed, “So where are you going!?”

My response, “Nowhere. I don’t have a new job. I just can’t be here anymore.”

Insert: blank stares and the sound of crickets.  Chirp chirp chirp

With the resignation of my friend and colleague Abigail Garner, I had never been more disappointed about a place in my whole life.

I was disappointed that my expectations were not met.
I was disappointed with the leaders of my department and administration.
I was disappointed that nothing ever changed.

I was tired of the bullshit.

Even with all the bullshit, I did meet some lovely women and am grateful for the experience I had at St. Kate’s.  I can appreciate the academic freedom and the spirit of St. Kate’s students.  Most of Jake’s family went to St. Kate’s so I understand what a special place it is to them.  However, my experience was on a different side of things and unfortunately…well, it didn’t work out for me. Slowly my confidence and enthusiasm were suffocated.  And I couldn’t breathe anymore – I had to leave.

This last year has been the strangest and most humbling year of my life. At first I felt like I went through a sort of detox…because I slept and slept and slept.  I stumbled and procrastinated and cried a lot.  I had to restore my confidence and be able to walk into a room and say, “I am taking a break. I don’t know what I am going to do. But I am figuring it out.”

Some people got it…but most people just thought I was crazy.

But then the pieces starting falling together and now I can’t even blog anymore I am so busy! Woohoo!

The photography business is really picking up and it feels great. I shot my first wedding last Friday and my next one is Sept. 18th (in between I get to practice at my cousin Abby’s wedding in North Carolina this weekend). I have also had a kid’s shoot and a real estate shoot and got paid for both!

Of course, Jake is my rock and I couldn’t have done any of this without his support, kindness, and faith.  And let’s face it, paychecks.

After almost a year of nothing…finally, something is really happening.

*I did not post this letter on my blog at the time of my resignation.  I am sharing it now – a year later – and pre-dating it.  Read this to hear my thoughts now.

Dear [supervisor]:

After much reflection, I submit my resignation from my position as Reunion Gift Coordinator at The College of St. Catherine, effective September 4, 2008.

I came here with enthusiasm for the mission of the College and the goal to fully embrace the opportunities the position offered.  A few months in, I began to notice significant institutional issues that raised questions for me, but I chose to look the other way and focus on my work.  I was committed to working around the challenges for the benefit and joy of connecting with the lively and inspiring St. Kate’s alumnae. I am pleased to see the positive impact I have made on the efforts of the reunion giving program, the most important of which has been 100% volunteer representation from all reunion classes both 2006/2007 and 2007/2008 fiscal years; as well as my enduring efforts to improve the collaboration between reunion giving, gift planning, and the Alumnae Association.

My attempts to ignore my doubts became impossible after the resignation of my colleague Abigail Garner.  After her departure I found myself re-examining my personal beliefs of social justice and injustice.  I saw Abigail’s hire and participation on this floor as true representation of the mission of St. Kate’s.  When Abigail resigned, rather than silence her convictions for gay rights, it forced me to re-examine how St. Kate’s defines social justice.

I feel that my continued employment is an endorsement of a workplace that is in conflict with my personal ethics.  My attempts to seek clarification by talking with [the Vice President] directly only made me more uneasy. [Supervisor], I am grateful to you for your support through what has been – and continues to be – a sad and confusing time in my job.  I held onto the hope that as time passed, it would be easier for me to move on.  Four months later, my feelings have not changed and I realize that continuing to stay here comes at a great cost to my conscience and to my spirit.

Please know my resignation is not a reflection of anything you did or did not do.  In fact, I stayed as long as I did because of your encouragement and your faith in my abilities.  Thank you for your guidance and support.

Sincerely,

Anne Ingman

I walk by the box everyday, sometimes even a half a dozen times, and every time I walk by the box I think the same thing — Damn, that box is still there!

Damn straight it is!

The box. Out in the open for all to see. And there it remains. Everyday. Sometimes even half a dozen times. The box doesn’t move. It really doesn’t. The box is in its place. Why would it need to be anywhere else? It is there to remind us. Of something so important. So important that I don’t know if you will get it. Do you get it?

The box isn’t moving.
Because it has nowhere to go.

I choose to go somewhere.
I choose to move forward.
I choose my choice!

Oh yeah and ALSO.

I have a blog.

And it is NOT password protected.

Because that is not the point.