Late last night I made a decision that will drastically change my life.
Constantly feeling the weight of expectations and the pressure of perfection I realized that I don’t try. Because if I don’t try then failing is not an option. Quite a depressing realization but I know it is true.
Trying to change my habits, behaviors, and rituals has been my theme these past months. But my efforts have been ridiculously the same as they always have been. My intention is there and quite possibly things start to change….but, within days I fall back into my routine.
I want to wake up early, I want to cook more, I want to write more letters, I want to play tennis, I want to blog, I want to start making cards, I want to bike, I want to do yoga, I want t keep my apartment clean….all valid aspirations. But in my head I think, “I don’t have enough time to do all that stuff.”
Why not?
Because I am addicted to television.
When I stay up until 1 am watching TV, how am I going to get up early? If I have to watch TV during my lunch break how can I make a meal? If I have to watch TV on the weekend how can I go on a bike ride, write letters, do yoga, clean my apartment or make cards?
It is the black hole in my life. It is the root of my depression, inactivity, and lack of productivity. It is the reason I do not try.
So late last night I put the damn thing in storage.
